Returned to my all time melancholic playlist, Linkin Park acoustic live songs.
I spent countless hours with those songs. Soaking in the sensitivity and sadness, of the songs and mine. It’s been a long time since I dove into this playlist.
It so easy to go down.
50% of the time working on not going down.
40% being somewhat down or scared.
10% not down.
Not down is being not heavy. The chest is not hurting. You don’t want to run. You just Are. I’m just Am. That’s it.
50/40/10. That’s what I have.
Back from a family vacation. I never want to plan or go to these. I am almost always happy I did – that’s for another gap. I want to talk about how the body feels in vacation and after.
On vacation with kids, it’s intense. However you want to twist it, you are active, moving, tired. You are taken away from your routine, your workouts, sleep, ceremonies etc.
I was positive overall, had a good feeling most of the time. It means you body is not in stress or pain a lot – the emotional pain that you feel in your body. That’s a positive.
I came back. Happy to come back, my routine, my bed, my everything. Sleep got better, back to working out. That’s a positive. However, immediate emotional pain about big life questions. Questions you should avoid as no one has answers to them anyways.
Net – net: I don’t even know. It’s confusing. Does vacation give you a needed break and quality time? does it increase your pain when you go back? Candidly, I think the latter…
If you could choose, would you prefer to be able to enjoy to the fullest being quiet and still, or active and energetic?
If you could choose, would you prefer to be exactly as you are, or the opposite?
If you could choose, what would you change?
Can we choose? Should we?
I know I can’t, but I wish I could.
Making peace with this notion is energy consuming.
Search for what energizes you. Search for what brings you peace. Search for what makes you happy.
///***\\\
Which childhood memory relaxes you before falling asleep? Good. Keep it with you
What and who is around you when you feel one? when your muscles are soft
What energize you?
What scares you?
What holds you back?
Are you consuming too much media and social media? can you consume less? try it
Do you feel stress or agitation over the weekend? what does it mean? Same question for vacation
What’s the distance between how you parent and how you want to parent?
When did you surprise yourself? others?
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Write it down. And go back to what you were doing. No decisions, just refection. Things will mature when it’s time.
It’s cold. Not suffering cold but of feeling fresh cold. There’s some wind, that goes gently over my face. It’s quiet – hearing the neural networks of my brain working, and a bird passing by. I browse through my notes, seeing the themes and patterns.
When alone, you don’t absorb other people’s energy. It give you more control over how you feel. When alone, your surrounding is what feeds you or balance your thoughts.
Cold just enough, alone just enough, quiet more than enough. I have all I need. It feels there’s a smile inside trying to get out into my face.
Nothing disturb you from paying attention to everything around you. And there’s so little happening that you can really pay attention as much as you want, you will not be overwhelmed. your eyes are not heavy but rather open wide.
A voice saying use this, use this energy, rare energy to be creative, to be active. Another voice says enjoy it, just be. It’s rare, just be.
plain notes 