Hard to move, hard to friction

September 15, 2026September 15, 2026 / jonathan / Leave a comment

Cannot move easily. Will probably never will. Don’t have this feature. Best thing will be to accept it.

Move as in – go out, meet people, camping, holiday, go out to buy something, fly abroad, move to live in a new city or country.

I can move in my head. I can move in the street when it’s super early before the sun comes up, I can read, I can sit without doing anything for a crazy amount of time.

I don’t want external accountability. Don’t make me. I know after moving I will feel better. I know going out is good for you. I know airing thoughts is also good for you. I know it’s not good to be too much in your own head. When you go out the nature makes you calm, puts things in perspective. Being in motion circulates your blood, moves your muscles. Looking at the sky is calming and beautiful. Being around people that are in good energy is good for you. Being around people that care for you is good. Just talking with a friend can make things better. Changing atmosphere makes you see things you stopped seeing.

Working at doing it makes me tired. I will move very little, at my own pace. You will not understand it, probably I will also not. It is just like that.

Metric number one: Brain – World gap

July 8, 2026July 8, 2026 / jonathan / Leave a comment

Do you have thoughts or emotions that exist only in your head? that you don’t share with a person or write them down?

I assume you do.

Imagine each person had a score, a metric, that is known to his close circles, maybe even beyond that.

This metric would be – what is the variance, the difference, on average, between your external and internal.

You could add to which direction – negative or positive.

For example – a person that has positive thoughts but does not share them – will have high positive variance.

If a person has a negative variance – you should pay attention how are they doing, because words will not say it.

Applications? many

Spiral of words and symbols representing brain functions inside a glowing human head outline

Introversion and Melancholy: A Personal Reflection

July 7, 2026July 7, 2026 / jonathan / Leave a comment

Susan’s book on introverts gave me words to describe how I feel and see the world.

Years of being told what I’m doing wrong, and with this book I felt seen.

There’s a part explaining how introversion is a strength, or has many strengths. Well, this part never really landed with me, it still feels like a liability. At least I better know how to cope with it.

Susan’s book on melancholies had a different impact on me. Not from a book review point of view, but from a personal view. Being melancholy is a bigger liability than introversion. It’s starting from minus 3 everyday instead of 0 or higher. It means putting a lot of effort just at finding peace of mind. It means many times a person you yourself would not want to be with, because they don’t lift you up, but rather take you down. It says something about your energy level.

That mirror tells me I’m not in peace with this trait, unlike the introversion one. I still wish I was not melancholic. A wish that will stay a wish.

Lone tree on lakeshore reflected in calm water with mist and sunrise

Goodbye note

November 3, 2025 / jonathan / Leave a comment

I’ve drafted a goodbye note from the company I’ve worked at for many years. It’s emotional to leave after such a long time, but it feels almost impossible for me to authentically write a social media post about it. Whenever I read other goodbye notes, they all seem to sound the same, and honestly, half of them probably aren’t genuine.

The second issue is that for someone to truly connect to how I feel, they’d have to read carefully, pay real attention, and even then, if they don’t know me well, I’m not sure they’d relate.

And now, with so many people using AI, it’s even harder to tell what’s real. After several drafts, I ended up choosing something quick and dry, just the facts. Maybe even that’s too much.

Perhaps the only real way to convey how I feel is through actual human-to-human interaction.

A Plesunt Surprise

September 28, 2025 / jonathan / Leave a comment

I used to believe I had a good sense for people’s energy—so much that I could feel it in my body. When it happened, my own energy would shift in response. Over time, though, I sensed too much negativity, and that sensitivity became a burden. Truthfully, it always was—draining me.

After so much negative energy, two things happened:

1. I began avoiding people, even new ones, assuming they would drain me too. And of course, I stayed away from those who had already done so.

2. I tried to shut this sense down, to go numb.

Both are bad outcomes.

Today, I met someone whose eyes, smile, and quiet energy filled me. It made me want to know more, to look deeper into their eyes and take in that energy. It wasn’t explosive, not something that took up all the air around us—just gently positive. So rare.

I wish that kind of positive energy surrounded us more often. I miss it. Today was such a pleasant reminder.