“There’s something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing” (Linkin Park, Crawling)

I had a few days with some stress in my gut. I heard a lot of music that felt good. But the solution, which is for sure temporary, was:

• Time [too much time]
• Few conversations [not too much]
• Sleep, alone and idle time

Music, few hugs and happy family moments were an amazing distraction. But just a distraction.  Same goes to working out, which usually does the work. But not this time.

Why some things that happen stay with me for so long? I know it’s an irrelevant question although it keeps coming back in my head. Why?

When it’s better, it’s fun. I think most people feel this “fun” most of the time. “Fun” of just not feeling the gut, not thinking on the few open annoying action items I’m running from. Fun that you can find yourself just smiling.

It’s not just the feeling. It’s also a need for control, to not compromise, to set the rhythm, to maintain the values. I guess it’s time to take control. And face the fear.

I read somewhere that mental strength is like a muscle. And the mind also.

Since I started to be more aware of my and others feelings, I have more tools to cope. But I also feel weaker.

Some guys are saying it is better to not know stuff and just be. Being aware can conflict with being.

I see it on little kids. They are. They are all in. They are not considering the meaning of everything. And I think they are much stronger mentally than you’d think.

I also see it on myself. I was stronger.

Being more aware must come with some sort of getting mentally stronger.

I sense that someone’s energy towards me or towards someone else is not positive. Sometimes I take actions based on that, sometimes it frustrates.  And I don’t really know if this “finding” is actually accurate at all.

When I sense positive energy it is almost always correct. I don’t know why but it is. Maybe it’s because most of the time the sensors show negative 😦 but I think not.

When it’s positive I feel a warm fuzzy feeling in your stomach. Sometimes my eyes are getting moist.

When it’s negative it can take me down. And I mirror it back.

I’d like and On/Off button to this radar.