Hard to move, hard to friction

September 15, 2026September 15, 2026 / jonathan / Leave a comment

Cannot move easily. Will probably never will. Don’t have this feature. Best thing will be to accept it.

Move as in – go out, meet people, camping, holiday, go out to buy something, fly abroad, move to live in a new city or country.

I can move in my head. I can move in the street when it’s super early before the sun comes up, I can read, I can sit without doing anything for a crazy amount of time.

I don’t want external accountability. Don’t make me. I know after moving I will feel better. I know going out is good for you. I know airing thoughts is also good for you. I know it’s not good to be too much in your own head. When you go out the nature makes you calm, puts things in perspective. Being in motion circulates your blood, moves your muscles. Looking at the sky is calming and beautiful. Being around people that are in good energy is good for you. Being around people that care for you is good. Just talking with a friend can make things better. Changing atmosphere makes you see things you stopped seeing.

Working at doing it makes me tired. I will move very little, at my own pace. You will not understand it, probably I will also not. It is just like that.

A Plesunt Surprise

September 28, 2025 / jonathan / Leave a comment

I used to believe I had a good sense for people’s energy—so much that I could feel it in my body. When it happened, my own energy would shift in response. Over time, though, I sensed too much negativity, and that sensitivity became a burden. Truthfully, it always was—draining me.

After so much negative energy, two things happened:

1. I began avoiding people, even new ones, assuming they would drain me too. And of course, I stayed away from those who had already done so.

2. I tried to shut this sense down, to go numb.

Both are bad outcomes.

Today, I met someone whose eyes, smile, and quiet energy filled me. It made me want to know more, to look deeper into their eyes and take in that energy. It wasn’t explosive, not something that took up all the air around us—just gently positive. So rare.

I wish that kind of positive energy surrounded us more often. I miss it. Today was such a pleasant reminder.

Happy?

August 21, 2025August 21, 2025 / jonathan / Leave a comment

you aren’t happy now. Maybe you want something to be different, or that you wish a problem or a friction will disappear. You feel it in your body, in your stomach or chest, in your eyes. Energy is low, doing feels heavy on you.

You look back, years, decades – trying to recall a time it was different, it felt different.

You don’t remember, maybe there was a time but memory is vague.

One memory pops – winter, a late weekend night, alone in bed. Probably rain outside. It’s warm inside your blanket. Listening to the radio, a show with good music, that fits a cold winter night. It feels the radio person is talking directly to you. You are not tired, you don’t feel FOMO. You want it to continue forever. You were happy.

Today is your day

July 21, 2019July 30, 2019 / jonathan / Leave a comment

“ Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You’re off to Great Places!

You’re off and away! ”
Dr. Seuss

When tired meets tired – being mindfully sad

December 5, 2018July 25, 2019 / jonathan / Leave a comment

It’s an accident that cannot be avoided.

My definition of feeling well is that my well being is stable, even when I encounter something that can throw me out of balance. It means that you can touch the tip of your comfort zone without your pulse increasing too much. You can receive negative feedback and really listen to it in a constructive way. I can stand in a line, without sweating too much (not sure about this last one. Some lines cannot be crossed).

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My friend, alone together

June 18, 2018July 25, 2019 / jonathan / Leave a comment

I walked home from school. Blue sky. Wind that feels nice on my skin.

Every few steps I touched something that was next to me. A flower, a fence, a tree, a car. The walking and touching helped me rest my mind.

Next to the store I saw few guys from class. They were standing near their bicycles, speaking loudly. I nodded, feeling jealous for not being there, invited, speaking loud and enjoining it. Wanting to be there and not be there at the same time.

When I arrived home I saw my neighbor. She was my age. She had beautiful eyes. We had eye contact many times. But hardly talked. I felt energized after communicating with her with my eyes but I did not know if she felt the same.

The more we exchanged looks without talking, the harder was to just start and talk. How do you start a small talk with all this history.

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