feelings

Let’s air

/ jonathan / Leave a comment

Do you have stuff from your past you don’t like? Embarrassing moments or times where you were vulnerable. Moments we are not too proud of. I am not talking about “let’s blame my parents or teachers” party, in fact blame does not live in this building at all.

With time passing one might think we are over these moments. We might be thinking it because we usually avoid these situations or just deal with them a bit better.

Maybe it’s public speaking, or just being out there. Maybe it’s relationship or speaking up your opinion. Facing a strong person. Basically dealing with our fears and mistakes.

There are so many books, TED talks and coaches that built business models on that. And if your read thus far I am sure you consumed few of them. So where am I going with that you ask?

We need to air it. I tried fighting it and still do in some cases. I got aggressive, I blushed, felt bad inside. But from time to time, with the right conditions, I air it. And it makes me happy.

And here is my process. Yes I call it process but it’s not even best practices. Just thoughts. Hey, naming is important.

  1. The right time – during days your energy level is actually high. It will run down your battery before it goes up again.
  2. The right person – someone who is open to listening. I am still surprised how few people are. And don’t expect a response that is something special. It’s your process. An understating look is good enough. Counter sharing is rare. If you really want to go all in, share it with a person from the period it happened.
  3. The right way – I like saying it as it was. No sarcasm. Some self humor can help.
  4. Share that did it – be it in writing for yourself, a talk with a close friend or family. Just listed to your mind or voice saying that you shared it. You shared this not so fun stuff to share. And now you feel better [hopefully :)].

The next time something will trigger that memory, it will not cause this shameful response. It is something you already aired. It is something that built you to be you.

Mental wellness – why emotions

/ jonathan / Leave a comment

“Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood. ” U.S. Department of Health & Human Services

“Being mentally well means that your mind is in order and functioning in your best interest. You are able to think, feel and act in ways that create a positive impact on your physical and social well-being. ” Singapore Association for Mental Health

Before we start let’s talk shorty on association: There is a negative association to the word Mental. Same as there is still to some extent to words such as Wellness, Mindful, Empathy.

The word Introvert’s association has improved a lot with Susan Cain’s Quiet but I think it’s safe to say that it mainly made introverts feel a bit better or more accurately to get to know themselves better. Outside the Introverted “community” it is still associated to being shy, non-assertive, no social, not daring, not charismatic etc. I am stating it because mental wellness will probably go in a similar route as introversion. And both are only in the beginning of their journey in the path of improving our lives.

So there’s a still a long way for Introversion but back to mental wellness. One of the biggest facts driving the importance of mental wellness is the proven connection between our mental state and our physical state. The most sarcastic Doctor, believing only what she sees in a prestige research magazine will confirm it [see some reference here]. We don’t need research to know that our mood [mind] gets down when we don’t sleep or eat [physical] or that we get sick or feel muscles pain [physical] when are stressed or in the midst of a conflict or a big decision.

Now lets talk some emotions. Emotions are part of our mind, which is a concept many argue about what it includes, how it relates to our brain and body etc., but I think that a good definition might be something like: an abstract layer, buffering between our physical us and the world. We see the world through it and it impacts how we are seen by others. Emotions, therefore, are included in our mind. And the mind plays a huge part in our life, how we experience it and what we achieve.

There are many reasons why emotions are so cool:

Continue reading →

Parenthood meets introversion

/ jonathan / Leave a comment

I talked with a friend who is also a parent about memories each had from the early days of parenting. I noticed we had completely different memories. My set was around many stressful moments back then. My friend’s was mainly around the magic and love of these primal moments.

Over time the experience became much more familiar and known, but this conversation made it clearer that different personalities process intense experiences differently. While there’s nothing new here, the extent surprised me.

What was so overwhelming? 

Less control over events.

Much more attention and unasked for advice.

Many friction points with your partner.

Less free time.

A lot more noise.

You worry.

Your emotions go up and down, not the preferred small changes.

Much more decisions.

Much less sleep.

It opens your heart in a way you could not imagine possible.