A Plesunt Surprise

September 28, 2025 / jonathan / Leave a comment

I used to believe I had a good sense for people’s energy—so much that I could feel it in my body. When it happened, my own energy would shift in response. Over time, though, I sensed too much negativity, and that sensitivity became a burden. Truthfully, it always was—draining me.

After so much negative energy, two things happened:

1. I began avoiding people, even new ones, assuming they would drain me too. And of course, I stayed away from those who had already done so.

2. I tried to shut this sense down, to go numb.

Both are bad outcomes.

Today, I met someone whose eyes, smile, and quiet energy filled me. It made me want to know more, to look deeper into their eyes and take in that energy. It wasn’t explosive, not something that took up all the air around us—just gently positive. So rare.

I wish that kind of positive energy surrounded us more often. I miss it. Today was such a pleasant reminder.

Can you change my mind?

September 14, 2025 / jonathan / Leave a comment

Debate, argument, exchange of ideas:
Does anyone ever really change their mind? What’s the purpose of these interactions—simply to vent? After a debate, do people feel better or worse than before? Do they come away with a deeper understanding of the other side, or with stronger dislike?

Is the problem a matter of not following the “rules” of debate? Maybe we just don’t know how to do it effectively anymore. Or perhaps we’ve changed—the information we consume and the influences shaping us have changed. Maybe people don’t change one another’s minds at all; only experiences and propaganda do.

My hope for today

September 11, 2025 / jonathan / Leave a comment

Walking down the street, I look at the people around me. They don’t look the same as they did twenty years ago. They feel less familiar. More serious. More angry. It’s as if they’re sleeping less, as if their minds can’t find any quiet. Those who talk, talk louder. Some stare at endless videos on their phones, right there in public, ignoring everyone nearby. A few finish a smoke or a snack and just throw it on the ground.

And yet—sometimes, one out of many offers kindness. A smile.
I hope I meet them today. I hope they’ll still be here tomorrow.

Money and me. If a tree falls and nobody hears.

November 15, 2020November 15, 2020 / jonathan / Leave a comment

It’s Ambivalent. I’m Ambivalent.

Let’s start with the easy stuff. Those we use money (which they have or don’t have) to show success, to gain respect, that’s not a smart move. It’s dependent on what other are thinking. And that’s a drug you want to avoid. I never really understood.

But the more complex angle is that I want money. And it’s hard to acknowledge it. Am I like them?

I want it because it comes with supporting my family and securing their future. To the degree money can.

I want it because it brings financial independence. So I don’t need to think short term and compromise my values.

I want it because I want to rest a bit. Loosen up FOMO a bit.

But am I true with myself? completely? no external reasons? If others knew about my money, would it make me feel better?

One day rule. And little things that help

October 5, 2020April 11, 2023 / jonathan / Leave a comment

When sad or angry, it takes around one day to recover. I’m talking about the normal course of living’s sad or angry. During this day, almost nothing can change this feeling. And this fact only makes it harder. It’s a sure thing that I’ll be angry at myself and that things will be on the negative side of things. Probably it will include being more edgy with other people.

The one’s that will suffer the most are the closest.

Myself on top of the list. Then close family members etc.

The nerves are more exposed. Noise is heard louder. A mess is seen faster.

The initial thought is how can I speed up and end this day. Tomorrow it will feel different.

Yesterday was such a day. Today is a bit better.

Nothing helped yesterday. And I don’t think I tried hard enough.

I do want to put an effort here to be positive and constructive. So here goes a try of new things to try:

Continue reading →

Failure’s first few hours

August 24, 2020August 24, 2020 / jonathan / Leave a comment

Even if the option of failing is part of how you anticipate or plan the next steps, the failure’s moment itself is always a bit surprising. It closes the door on the hope that drives your through the process.

It’s surprising that it is surprising. But it cannot be other wise.

Then, there is a short period of failure adrenaline. It’s the first reaction. It can be a shock but most times it is actually an active one. I’ll update her, I’ll check this, I’ll do that. So the anger or sadness are not too dominant yet.

Don’t be confused though. The nerves are exposed.

Then the sadness arrives. The feeling I failed. Was it me. Is there support around me. Why there is not enough support around me.

Leave it. This feeling is here to stay. Let it be with you. Even if it hurts, actually because it hurts. There is no other option than to be with this feeling. And hurt.

Go to to positive places – music, a friend, a positive figure in your life.

Don’t run.

Tomorrow is a new story. Well not a new story, but nothing changes perspective as time does.