We should connect our dots and signs from the past. Dots have a pattern that we can easily miss. Dots are events and thoughts we experienced or had.
Dots we feared at. Times that we ran to stuff that helped us deal but only made it harder the next day. Times where we raised our voices or confronted because we were scared or disappointed.
It’s easier to remember negative dots, it is harder to connect these dots to a pattern.
Continue readingI work. It’s a company I established named “No label but just keep it quiet and go away”.
I come in very early so I can use public transportation and reach my desk and chair without saying good morning to anyone. From time to time I do greet someone with a smile. I really don’t want to ask someone I don’t care about how’s it going and then be replied with another question back! people are so weird.
Early public transportation is the perfect balance between not wanting to drive and not wanting to interact. Everyone today is using ear-sets and stare at their phone. So basically I am even more extrovert than them because I stare at them and not at an object. Continue reading
I walked home from school. Blue sky. Wind that feels nice on my skin.
Every few steps I touched something that was next to me. A flower, a fence, a tree, a car. The walking and touching helped me rest my mind.
Next to the store I saw few guys from class. They were standing near their bicycles, speaking loudly. I nodded, feeling jealous for not being there, invited, speaking loud and enjoining it. Wanting to be there and not be there at the same time.
When I arrived home I saw my neighbor. She was my age. She had beautiful eyes. We had eye contact many times. But hardly talked. I felt energized after communicating with her with my eyes but I did not know if she felt the same.
The more we exchanged looks without talking, the harder was to just start and talk. How do you start a small talk with all this history.
Continue readingBehind words there are so many feelings.
When I write that I cherish quietness it sounds like so many similar sentences out there. Most are probably sincere, some aren’t. Even those that are sincere are many times commercialized. That’s OK but it will never be as deep and true.
So from deep down inside: When it’s quiet I feel I can stand tall.
It is easier to breathe. I am less concern about the unknowns and fears. It’s like an internal smile.
I like when it’s quiet after I worked out. It is one of my definitions of feeling alive. It’s clarity.
Clarity is missing when you are under stress and concerns.
I talked with a friend who is also a parent about memories each had from the early days of parenting. I noticed we had completely different memories. My set was around many stressful moments back then. My friend’s was mainly around the magic and love of these primal moments.
Over time the experience became much more familiar and known, but this conversation made it clearer that different personalities process intense experiences differently. While there’s nothing new here, the extent surprised me.
What was so overwhelming?
Less control over events.
Much more attention and unasked for advice.
Many friction points with your partner.
Less free time.
A lot more noise.
You worry.
Your emotions go up and down, not the preferred small changes.
Much more decisions.
Much less sleep.
It opens your heart in a way you could not imagine possible.
My colleague was angry at me. He thought I criticized him too much.
The immediate instinct was to be angry back.
Then I said ” I see you are angry at me. I understand it. I want you to know I am trying to do what is right for you. You are important to me”. I said what I felt.
He was still angry.
The day after I learned he accepted my advice, although he did not have to. I smiled. I knew he understood and appreciated.
I felt we have built something healthy together.
Now replace *colleague* with *kid*.
Be true.
Share values.
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