Energy – It feels there’s a smile inside

It’s cold. Not suffering cold but of feeling fresh cold. There’s some wind, that goes gently over my face. It’s quiet – hearing the neural networks of my brain working, and a bird passing by. I browse through my notes, seeing the themes and patterns.

When alone, you don’t absorb other people’s energy. It give you more control over how you feel. When alone, your surrounding is what feeds you or balance your thoughts.

Cold just enough, alone just enough, quiet more than enough. I have all I need. It feels there’s a smile inside trying to get out into my face.

Nothing disturb you from paying attention to everything around you. And there’s so little happening that you can really pay attention as much as you want, you will not be overwhelmed. your eyes are not heavy but rather open wide.

A voice saying use this, use this energy, rare energy to be creative, to be active. Another voice says enjoy it, just be. It’s rare, just be.

Deep down, I know. And I will face it. Soon.

I always knew I was an introvert, but it wasn’t until I started working in the corporate world that I realized just how much of a struggle it can be. In meetings and presentations, I found myself shrinking back into my chair while more outgoing colleagues took the lead. I was too nervous to speak up, too afraid of saying the wrong thing.

It wasn’t just a matter of personality, though – the corporate culture itself seemed designed for extroverts. Everything was about results and charisma, about being heard and seen. I felt like I was constantly being pushed out of my comfort zone, forced to put on a show just to be taken seriously.

The worst part was the feeling of isolation. I craved quiet spaces to reflect and recharge, but there was nowhere to go. The open-plan office was always buzzing with activity, and even lunch breaks felt like an extension of the workday. It was hard to connect with my colleagues, and I often felt like I was missing out on important conversations and opportunities.

All of these challenges took a toll on me emotionally. I started to doubt myself, to feel like I wasn’t cut out for the corporate world. It was hard not to compare myself to my more outgoing colleagues and wonder if I was doing something wrong.

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Smartphone’s sleep needs

Maybe it’s easier to look at it in this way.

It’s not you constantly fighting the FOMO, wanting to be available for your friends and colleagues.

It’s not you trying to escape your thoughts.

It’s not you gazing and scrolling because you just can’t stop.

It’s not.

Your device has needs. It really does. And if you want it to be there for you, respect its needs. It needs to go to sleep one hour before you. And wake up one hour after you wake up. Otherwise it will feel bad.

The other day, I read a text from a colleague, business related, just before going to sleep. It kept me up for 2 hours. I listened to music and podcasts till fading to sleep in a not so good mood. And it all happened because I wasn’t there for my device. It needed to sleep.

Deal with the hard stuff when well slept, worked out, fed and ready to rumble.

This is now. Remind it to me tomorrow.

Got few things moving.

Waiting for feedback from other, believing fully it will turn on the positive side of things.

Staying positive.

A colleague gave me the feeling he counts on me. Let me lead the process. I embrace this lead.

Took a few deep breaths. Chest is moving easily.

Tomorrow – things will work well, because I am doing things in my way, open and transparent. I don’t let stress causing items stay open in the air.

Tomorrow may also bring some problems. I will start dealing with them by taking some time, then reading this note to self. And start my road back to doing in a positive way.

I will let you know how tomorrow went.

Move move move. Note for passives

Being Aggressive means*:

  1. Taking action
  2. Forceful and sometimes overly assertive pursuit of one aims
  3. It does not mean to be loud

You need to make things happen.

Start with your thoughts. Actions will come.

Getting no equals a little roadblock.

Why it’s all written here you might ask. There are times to look inside and accept yourself with compassion. It’s probably the first and most important layer. But it’s not enough. The result of this step is you feel a little better with yourself, understand more, less angry.

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