I felt tired from digging inside. Endlessly dealing with my vulnerabilities. It felt good for a while but then I thought it is holding me back. I decided back then to focus on a healthy routine. I was surprised by my ability to be energetic and focus on a positive can-do attitude. It was based on providing to self the key ingredients and even some extras:

• Work out
• Sleep
• A lot of vegetables and fruits
• Being hydrated
• A job that felt as challenging but doable, where I can bring exceptional value
• A realistic approach to the parenting that is best for me

It seems it was someone else now. While fighting to maintain the first 4. The last 2 were shaken with the COVID19 new reality.

At first I rationalized to myself that things are ok [which they are!] and also with time, got used to this new routine. Also stopped being angry at myself for feeling sorry for myself. Things did get better. But I lost almost all energy. And became angry and passive. Back to the circle I was able to avoid.

So angry at myself and with others. and then with myself for being angry at them.

Collapsing inside myself in many ways.

I have started the road back to that place. Step by step. Taking it day by day, trying to take the moments to recharge during the days. Returning back to the path towards the bigger goal.